And Sasuke was like 'Holy Cow'
by wherecanibuyaphone
Summary: If you had told Sasuke in the morning what he was about to discover later the day, he surely wouldn't have been so damn eager to take a short look into Sakura's office at the hospital. / slight Sasu/Saku


**rating:** rated e for embarrasing

**disclaimer:** i don't own shit

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**And Sasuke was like 'Holy Cow!'**

_If you __had told Sasuke in the morning what he was about to discover later the day, he surely wouldn't have been so damn eager to take a short look into Sakura's office at the hospital._

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"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura immediately began when the black-haired had opened his door just an inch. "I'm here to take you."

She was standing on his pitch-black doormat, smiling happily.

"You're here to take me?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow, he seemed rather confused. "Where to? Into deep depth of hell or what? You don't look like the Grim Reaper."

Sakura shook her head. "I'm here to take you _with me_." She stepped back. "Your monthly survey, did you forget?"

A cold shiver ran down his spine when he heard the words 'monthly survey'. He remembered. And of course he hadn't forgotten it; his monthly survey, that basically was as important as the existence of ants, because he was found as fit as a butcher's dog _every single time_.

Yet he rolled his eyes and said, "Ah, now that you mention it…"

He had tried to push the appointment of the survey into the back of his head, but there was this silent reminder that brought one certain thought into his mind again and again; the red half of the Uchiha-Fan made him think of blood. And blood meant the taking of a blood sample and the taking of a blood sample meant he would have to endure an injection again.

He wasn't quite sure where the fear for the injections came from, although he had a vague guess. Maybe it all started on this fateful day when he still was a kid and the new, friendly smiling nurse abused his arms as a living pincushion. After the tenth prick had went awry she would have looked up and smiled nervously every now and then, but Sasuke kept cool with all his might, although his eyes were already burning because of the tears he tried to suppress.

This day was the worst.

"You're a bad liar, Sasuke-kun. I can literally feel your fear. I could even literally feel it when we just walked past the hospital last week."

Of course she knew about his fear. After all she was the one who pottered around his confounded body every month. And he made it very obvious when he tensed up just by the look of the injections.

Although Sakura smiled friendly, Sasuke glanced agitated. He suddenly felt the urge to burn down the wooden door just to ease himself.

He clenched his teeth.

This topic in general was a kind of thorny one; for himself and his pride. His pride had to take some deep scratches over the past years, and this was unfavorable on so many levels, because 'the pride is the Uchiha's best friend.'

Not only that it hit his rock-hard pride in the most powerful way and that it was just _so ridiculous_ to fear an injection when it couldn't even harm him more than his Kusanagi, no, he had to act like a scaredy-cat every single time.

Sasuke tensed up and scowled, "Leave."

The fact that Sakura knew about his fear was bad, but that she now teased him with it was _the worst_.

For Sasuke, it felt like a very terrible humiliation, an awful mortification of his pride, and two seconds later his hurt pride spoke to him '_humiliate her too!_' and the black-haired, without thinking any further about it, slammed the door shut.

"O-okay, Sasuke-kun!" he heard Sakura shout from outside; she sounded confused. "You calm down. I'll wait at the hospital for you, all right?"

He sighed when he heard her walk away. Was there any chance he could skip this survey? It was not because he wanted to avoid the meeting with his little friend named injection (God, then why was the coward in him screaming '_yush, it _is_ because of the injection'_?) but rather because he had the feeling that this day would take a really bad route.

"Whatever," murmured Sasuke and began to get dressed. If he got over and done with it today, he could ease for at least another month until the next survey came up. Furthermore, his darn pride would push him to show up in the hospital anyway, just to prevent giving Naruto a reason to spurt out various useful and super-intelligent comments about being a sissy.

And again, his pride was the one that made him move. His pride, his pride, _his pride_. His tremendous-ego would drive him insane sometime soon.

He already couldn't take the disgrace of acting like Princess Lillifee who was facing off a monstrous dragon when _he_ was facing off the _injection _later; on the other hand he didn't want to end up being called a coward for not even showing up for the survey either.

Sasuke opened the door; he almost expected Sakura standing on the other side of the street, waiting for him there instead of at the hospital, but the street was empty and silent.

Well, it was seven thirty in the morning, damn early, and at best you would see a man or a woman taking a walk with their dog.

...

Konoha's hospital was a giant building. You could even see it from two miles away, towering over the many apartments and houses.

When Sasuke turned left he could already see the entrance of the hospital. Sakura was standing before it, talking to some old lady. He could hear her hearty laughter.

Sakura noticed him and gave him an apologizing look. "Sasuke-kun…" she said when he came closer and the old lady turned around to face him. "I'm sorry for earlier, I didn't mean to make you angry, I …"

Sasuke raised his hand, he had noticed that she was about to make a bow in an apologizing manner. "It's okay. Nevermind." He really was okay with it, but he actually didn't want to go on about this.

"Dear, is that your boyfriend?" the old lady asked. Her voice was rough, but she sounded friendly.

Sakura made a weird noise, though, she kept cool. "Nah, this is Uchiha Sasuke, Yamashita-san. We trained together under Kakashi-sensei. We're just teammates."

"Ah, I see…" the old lady replied, smiling knowingly.

The black-haired modestly stayed out of the conversation. He always had a bad feeling around old ladies, because - _bizarrely_ - every time he had talked to one, the conversation ended up with the fact that the single granddaughter urgently needed a boyfriend.

It was like a curse.

"Well, see you next week, Yamashita-san. Be careful on your way home and present compliment's to your husband," said Sakura while waving cheerfully.

"So, you know her? You know if Frau Trude has got any grandchildren?" asked Sasuke as they walked through the entrance together. "Any granddaughters, maybe?"

Sakura gave him an irritated look before she answered. "Don't call her that. I'm pretty sure she's not one of the Grimm Brother's fictional characters. And yes, I know her. She's one of my patients." They walked up the stairs. Sakura was afraid of elevators. "As for the much that I know, she indeed does have a granddaughter. Her son –"

"Ha," said Sasuke. He grinned triumphantly, just as if he had been told that he never ever had to endure an injection again. "I totally knew it. Granny just asked if I'm your boyfriend because she wanted to check out if I'm free. Not for her, of course. But for her granddaughter, you know what I mean?"

"_As for the much that I know_," she began again "her granddaughter is now at the age of _two years_. I guess you're a little too old for her, dearest Sasuke-kun. I think I have to check your mental condition as well; sometimes I get the strange feeling you're a pedophile."

Sasuke grunted, a _very_ slight blush covering his pale cheeks. "H-how should I have known?"

Sakura stopped at the door with the small sign 'Sakura Haruno' on it. She turned to face him and smiled nervously, all of her cheerfulness was suddenly gone. "Uhm… You wait here, Sasuke-kun. I'll bring you to the survey room after I… I…"

Sasuke sighed. "Why do I have to wait outside again?"

He wasn't seeking any company, he rather was annoyed that she _always_ would turn into an iceberg when they arrived at her room, leaving him standing there like all dressed up and with nowhere to go.

It all began two years ago, when Sakura and Ino were mysteriously whispering about something while they all were eating Ramen at Ichiraku's. Sasuke just picked up some random words like 'hospital' and 'office', 'Sai' and his own name.

Since then Sakura's office at the hospital was treated like a room full of secrets, at least in the presence of Sasuke. Naruto had once told him that he knew _something_ (while he tried to hold back convulsions of laughter) but he didn't put a finer point on it.

And again it hurt Sasuke's pride that there obviously was something that _he_ wasn't allowed to know.

"S-sasuke-kun!" Sakura began to hysterically shout. "Y-you don't want to watch me change, do you?!"

And while Sasuke was clearly puzzled searching for any good arguments to throw back at her, she already had sneaked into her office.

Sasuke grunted in anger and annoyment. _Sometimes_ she really did change in her office, and that was okay, but even at times she already was wearing some of her doctor's scrubs she wouldn't let him in. "What the heck… what the heck's wrong with this woman?"

He was still dazzled by the way things were going, with no concrete answer to his unmistakable question, but with a rather original reason he could hold on to.

...

"Sasuke-kun." Sakura squashed out of the small gap between door and doorframe. She really played this 'keep-this-room-secret' thing safe.

Sasuke looked up. He had let himself fallen into one of the three uncomfortable chairs that were placed right in front of Sakura's office.

"Yo, hospital style again?" Sasuke couldn't get over with the fact that he noticed how different Sakura looked with a ponytail, at least for him. He thought about it often (way too often), and he always came to the conclusion that he liked her better with her hair open. Whatever, he had to stop thinking about these weird things.

Wearing a doctor's coat she stood right before him, shaking her head slightly, then she began to study some files she held in her hands. "I think we got a little problem…" She gave him a sign to follow. "I'll explain while we walk to the survey room."

Sasuke stood up from the chair that made an awkward _eek_ when all the weight slowly was lifted upwards. He watched the pink-haired closely; she made a step forward, then she suddenly turned around and locked her office. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"So…" They began to walk down the hall. "As for the problem, wanna tell me now?"

Sakura sighed and looked at the files she held in her hands again. "I got a new patient this morning. His case is more important than yours, means I have to check him before you…"

Sasuke snorted. "If that's what you call a _problem_, then my scars shall be from minor scratches. I can wait, as long as this patient doesn't take hours to –"

"You don't understand, Sasuke-kun. If I really first check him and afterwards you, my whole timetable will get messy. I know it's a real pain in the ass, at least for you, but I guess we have to look for another nurse to make that survey."

The informations were slowly sinking in while Sakura stopped at the survey room. "You wait here. I have to go. Your survey starts in ten minutes. I'll look what I can do."

"Uh…" Sasuke sat down. He thought about it. Was it really _that bad_ if another nurse groped around his body today? Basically it didn't matter. Main thing was he got over and done with it as fast as it gets.

But, in some way, he got accustomed to Sakura fiddling around him. She was very gentle with him, tried to distract him while she was ramming the injection into his poor arm and after everything was over she got him a band-aid with weird animals on it. Which didn't help anyways. Well, sometimes these animal-band-aids annoyed him so much that he forgot the injection and the pain right away.

Sasuke sighed. He was afraid that they'd send him a harsh, violent and masculine nurse instead of the nice pink-haired.

Or maybe he was lucky and they'd send him a full-breasted nurse with long eyelashes that'd try to bewitch him so indiscreetly that he'd simply forget about the injection.

...

Steps were coming in his direction and after a few seconds Sakura walked down the hall. "It wasn't as serious as I thought, I can make the survey." She smiled and Sasuke got up. Somehow he felt relieved.

She opened the door, but Sasuke didn't move.

He tried to swallow away the nervousness that suddenly was blocking his throat. Fear was creeping up his arms, leaving goose bumps like a shooting star left behind a glittering tail.

"Sasuke-kun?" asked Sakura. "What's wrong?"

Maybe he'd just think about some nice things Sakura kept secret in her office today. This stuff would distract him – hopefully.

He shook his head and moved towards the open door. "Hell's Gate has opened… Let's go."

...

Sasuke _looked_ groggy and he _felt_ groggy when he walked out of _hell_. Sakura followed, studying the survey's results. "Your eyes, Sasuke-kun, I'm worried about your eyes, you definitely have to go let them get checked. I guess you need glasses. Apart from that everything's fine –"

"- as always, yeah. Come on Doctor Haruno, why can't we just… skip the next survey?"

He was alive, but as usual he was a mere jitterbug after all this.

"Sasuke-kun," said Sakura and she sounded deadly serious. "You went through a lot of things lately and in the past. We have to check –"

"- to prevent either minor or major complications, yeaaah, I know it."

They stopped at Sakura's office. Sasuke could almost reach out to the pink-haired's aura that suddenly was filled with anxiety. "Uhm… s-so, Sasuke-kun… I got… a lot of work to do, so… we'll talk later. Bye!"

And with that the door closed again.

Already at his limit, Sasuke just muttered a 'See you later' and turned around. He walked down the hall, turned right and was just about to take the first step (he didn't even take the elevator when he was alone) when he heard the door of Sakura's office open and close again.

He stopped dead in his tracks as his pride began to hiss the jazziest things; '_she's gone, she's finally gone, why not taking a short look into her office?_' Sasuke shook his head. What if it was too private? '_sure, that's why _everybody_ knows about it, except for you._'

Before he even noticed, he was standing pressed to the wall, watching the hall. Pure emptiness was filling the long room.

He sneaked around the corner and walked slowly to the door. Pressing his left ear against the thin wood he listened carefully to any noise, at the same time he watched the hall closely.

After he was sure Sakura definitely had left her office, he grabbed the door handle. "Oh god, I hope she didn't lock it…" He was feeling nervous, eager and anticipated at the same time. He pushed the door handle down carefully. And it opened.

He made one step into her office and then stopped like his feet were glued to the ground. His jaw dropped open.

"Holy cow!"

He could clearly hear his heart beating faster than normal, he tried to swallow but his mouth was too dry. This,_ this_ was so much more awful and painful than an injection. His cheeks flushed with red and the last thought he had before everything went black and he collapsed on the floor was the one that he believed now to definitely need glasses.

...

Panicking, Sakura ran through several hallways. She had forgotten it. She had forgotten to lock the door! That shouldn't have happened! After all, you didn't know who'd come to visit you while you were gone. Especially if a certain black-haired guy who was so damn eager to take a look into your office came to 'visit you'… oh God, _no_!

Her panic reached even higher realms as she went left and saw that the door of her office was open. This could mean just one thing…

She stopped in the doorframe of her office. She was panting heavily. And she overlooked the passed out Sasuke completely. Just now, for the first time, she noticed what an unbelievable terrific effect the large poster had that was hanging at the opposite wall.

This fateful poster. The poster that portrayed Konohamaru, who had transformed into Sai and Sasuke via _Oiroke Otoko no ko Doushi no jutsu_* which were lolling lustful on top of each other - in extra large.

Sakura looked down and gasped. Sasuke lying on the floor didn't look all too fine.

Good thing they were already at the hospital.

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_If you had told Sakura in the morning__ what she was about to experience later the day, she definitely wouldn't have been so careless to forget to lock her office at the hospital._

**THE END**

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*_Oiroke no jutsu_ = the normal 'Sexy no jutsu'  
_Otoko no ko Doushi_ = means something like 'male partner'

the "poster" - Naruto chapter 347, page 10


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